As I sit here, with Midas on my lap, sipping coffee,, looking out into the pool-I just need to stop and breathe.For the last five months Ive been looking forward to the upcoming weeks. Thats all Ive been wanting, waiting for. To see all the people I fled from, to see the ex that I might still be in love with.That I thought I was in love with. The last few weeks have made me change so much, I feel like Ive done a 180 in terms of how I look at relationships, how I look at people, and how I look at life.Ive gone from a scared little girl; wanting only one thing, only feeling like she needed that one person to show her how life is supposed to be lived...to a young adult knowing that it cant always be perfect and if shit doesnt go your way, it doesnt go your way. I still am very insecure in myself, and I need validation from people....but now I dont dig for it...people just tell me nice things.
Its going to be so weird in this house with out John here. He truely was my rock-he was someone I could just hang out with, someone whom I care deeply for.I dont want to loose him-and I know we wont loose touch-I know if I truely needed something;he'd be there for me. And Iam for him.Im going to miss everything about him.
Its going to be even weirder waking up and having a complete stranger roaming around the house. Eating my food,drinking my drinks, using my shower! This is not something I envisioned when I decieded to come down here....this is not what I thought my life would be.It bothers me even more that noone understands where Im coming from, no one gets the whole situation. Even John was saying that maybe this guy will "win me over"...NO WAY. Especially not after John and I have bonded so well.
So, heres the deal-I work tonight, tomorrow night, saturday night, and sunday.Nikkis having a B-DAY party saturday night, were going to the beach saturday a.m. (we were supposed to go today, but Im just to sad...)I dont know what were doing sunday-I think Im going to pet smart with John-I gotta buy midas' kennel for the flight, and monday m going to the beach all day-and then I fly out Tuesday.I need to make $300 in these next couple of shifts...If not, I might have to ask John for a small loan.A couple hundred bucks...well see.
So, to ended this shitty entry on a good note, Ill make a short happy list:
Leaving in 5 days. midas playing with ginger, seeing krista at the airport:), seeing my siblings, nikkis party,monday=beach day, dunkin' donuts coffee..., seeing danielle and taking lots of goofy pictures like the old days,meeting stephen,seeing andy,ryan,stacy,robb,dave...