Iam in so much pain. Physical pain,emotional pain...just pain. Ok, so yesterday started out with me calling Nikki to see if she wanted to come over and swim.John and Sandi are both at work-not that John would have minded anyways-hes cool like that. Ryan and I (Ryan is a new guy at work-he moved here from Vegas...how cool and dumb is that?who moves to Titusville Florida from Vegas...anyways) had made plans the night before for me to pick him up and hed come over as well....so, I go get Nikki, and we drive all the way across town to go get Ryan.We get to Ryans house and Ryan asks if his roommates sister can come over.Sure, why not..the more the merrier, right? So, we get to my house after running so many errands...and were out by the pool-and we call this kid Brian that we work with-so he comes over with his g/f. And then Nikkis cousin-Justin comes over. And, I kinda have a crush on Justin. Like, hes just a really chill kid, hes cute, and funny...yeah, and my age. which is great. I like that. so, John comes home-after weve been wrestling in the pool, people are doing body shots off of Ryans roommates sister...her names Steph...It was crazy. my uncles just laughing at us.Just cracking up, and Jims there too..Too funny.
So, anyways, we take this party over to Justin and Nikkis place and all hell breaks loose.After Megan and Brian leave-its me, Nikki, ryan, justin and steph. So, Justin and Steph start making out, ryan and nikki are in deep conversations, and I just feel so left out. And the some how ryan deciedes hes gonna body slam me. Like 20 times, he killed my back.He was so drunk.So drunk. So, I have to be responsible and get Ryan and Steph home, but Im already in the "woe-is-me" mode, and I HATE WHEN I GET LIKE THAT. Its dumb, and I know that. Pointless, no one gives a shit-but why do I get that way.
I dont know-Im gonna have to work on it. I think the biggest thing was that Ive been trying to hit on Justin for the last 2 months-and he meets this girl and BAM...I dont know. It makes me feel less than good. Like shit really-ya know? If you asked any guy Ive ever hung out with theyd probably all say that Im "cool,funny, and great to hang around with"...ya know...like a really good friend. Andy would even say that.And I was engaged to him, lmao.Im sick of being the sidekick. Im always the sidekick.
So, Ryan by the end of the night is trashed. I drive him and steph home-hes all rowdy.like crazy rowdy. it was funny.hes such a cool guy-he really is.....
but today im in so much pain-its crazy.my lower back is hurting so badly.
when i get to be with someone again-i think a guy like ryan would be perfect. hes too funny, ans sweet,....yeah...