I guess its time

I guess I should write here, since I havent in forever. Been a little over 2 months since I wrote last. Not much has changed. Liking the house/condo/whatever you want to call it. Still not all done, we have yet to hang pictures on the wall and weve been here almost a year. Still trying to get Mikey to buy a dish washer and to remodel the hall bathroom. Soon, I hope!
Really wish I could write some poetry or something....its just stopped lately. I dont know whats going on.
i need a small vaca,, i think. with just the girls. that would help alot. Maybe for my birthday. ;)

January 6,2010. Not Quite a year

Hey all! I can't believe that Ive forgoten about this blog, yet again. Ha. Alright what has happened to me in the last 10 months? Well, in August of 2009 Marlee turn 1 year! That year flew by so fast, its insane! here are some pics to guide you through her first year!

In September of 2009, Mike and I got married! yes sir ree! woohoo...some photos of that as well.

Sandi got remarried and is living in Titusville again. She met her husband in Iraq. Not sure what else to say at the moment as it is almost 1130 pm and I must get to sleep. Ill write soon...

wow.almost a year.

Marlee the day she was born.

Its been almost a year since Ive written in this damn thing. I ran across an aquantinces profile, and then signed into my account (after typing my password in 3 times because I couldnt remember it). But here Iam. Where to Start, what to say?

Lets start with Sandi and John. Sandi is remarried now. She met Mike (not crack addict Mike) in Iraq, where she is now stationed. They got married State side in November of this last year. He seems nice. Ive only met him that once. John is in Tennesse with Mary-Im happy for that. I miss John lots.

Mike and I are still together. Marlee, our daughter, is almost 8 months old now. Time flies like no tomorrow, its crazy. He and I (more like him) just bought a house, and we should be closing the 17th of April and we should be all moved in by the 1st of May. We are planning our wedding for September 5 of this year.

Im turning 27 this year. I cant believe that shit. But, Iam so happy and so ready to finally become a family!

pregnancy

I feel like its been years since Ive written here. Well, it has been 6 months or so...jesus. thats just crazy.
Im going to try and make this a fast entry- unfortunantly, I dont have pics on this computer Im able to post because ours crashed and were using our roommates...
A Thankful List:
1. Iam thankful for Midas (always and forever..)
2.Mikey..he and I are still together 1 year and counting Iam super happy and couldnt be more thankful for him and what hes done for me :)
3.All my friends, they truely are my savior. Heather and I have become even closer and although Holly and I dont talk much anymore-most of the friends are the same :)
4. my family. Sandi and I have a good relationship now and even had a good visit when she was on leave a month or two ago.
5.My job,...Im working at marshalls now, and although I hate it-I have one.
6. last but certianly NOT least....the baby! Yes, you read that correctly. Iam pregnant :) I am 31 weeks along and have about 9 1/2 weeks left. Iam SUPER excited as is Mike and we can not wait for her to arrive.

The pregnancy has been hard on me, but I cant wait to hold her in my arms and just kiss her.
Heather is planning the baby shower and I know itll be amazing and something I will remember for ever!

its been awhile

So, Im writting in here. I dont even remember what the last post I wrote was, its been that long. I guess I'll just ramble, starting with the most recent and go back, if I repeat myself, Im sorry.

Its almost Thanksgiving. I cant believe it, this year has flown. I hate it-Christmas is right around the corner,and Im so broke, its disgusting. Mike and I (yes,were still together!) are spending Thanksgiving with his family, seeing as mine are in Tampa (OHOHOHOH,Sandi went to Afganhastan! yes, Ill tell you more about that in a minute though) and he has to work that night.We'll be at his sister Cheryls house..Im excited. This isnt the first dinner Ive had with his family-just the first Holiday, so its kinda nerve racking. This past weekend was a good one,...he and I both had a 3 day weekend! Whoohoo! Friday we started off with a couple of beers at the pub with Heather, and then later that night we went to Heathers and played games, thats always fun. I love nights like that...really relaxing and just fun. And the weather was nice and cool, so it was nice to sit outside wearing a sweatshirt and just talking. Then, Saturday we went to see a play (which was fun,) and we went to this great relaxing bar called foobar, and then ate dinner at meg omalleys....and on sunday we went to see Tori Amos...awesome! that was even better than I thought it would be.

Work has sucked horribly, they give me shitty hours most of the time. it sucks. im going to be training at the pub tomorrow and working a few days a week there while steve is in ireland.

oh, so i mentioned that sandi went to afganhastan, she went as a civilian contractor, which is good cause she wont be drinking as much...and shes let michael back into the house while shes away ...btw, shes selling the house..

Iam in love. LOVE. Like, I never want to loose the love that I have. Ive truely never been happier. Mikey always knows how to make me feel awesome, special, amazing. He knows how to touch me in the exact spot to me me feel so great-so I know that Im loved. And I am loved, just by looking into Mikeys eyes I can tell. I hate going days without being able to be held by him or kissed by him, or have him look into my eyes the way he does. It has gotten much, much better though...Hes been freakin' amazing with picking me up and taking me places...just to see me. :) I can't believe the love that I have for him. Athough, it is pretty hard not to love him. I just look at him and I get butterflies and goosebumps! He's so freakin' awesome, its rediculous.

He said to me in St. Augustine, 'I know we haven't been dating long,but I can see myself marrying you'...AWWW, How freakin' awesome is that shit?! Iam 100% postive that I could see myself with him as well. Ive never felt a love like this before! EVER....

heather and jerry at her b-day party :)

heather and I in St. Augustine.
Mikey and I at Rendezvous, a great little hole in the wall "cafe"....yummy beers! Mikey, Heather, Jerry and I at Rendezvous. The first stop of many in St.AUgustine
Me at J.P.Henleys, drinking my sampler of beers.

Mikey,jerry and I at the "fort" in St. AUgustine.This is where we were Geocaching.

Heather,Myself,Jerry and Mikey Geocaching

So, I quit my job. Yup. It was about time , too. I was making shit going no-where.blah. so I quit.

And it was the perfect opportunity to do so. Heather and Jerry had planned to go to st. augustine, so Mikey and I went with them. It was SOOOOOOOOmuch fun!

Plus, after all that stress with Michael again, it was a well deserved vacation (even though it was only a day!)....We(meaning Sandi and I) had to get restraining orders on micheal, he went CRAZY.

Back to St. Augustine. SO MUCH FUN. Ive had a blast with all of them. We walked so much, and drank so much!

I also planned heathers birthday party.:) pirate theme,.

updating

Its already the end of May. Well, almost. About another week or so. Where the hell does all the time go? What am I doing with my life? I dont even know anymore.

Heather and Jerrys wedding was so much fun. My Birthday was also a blast, I love my friends so much.

the first pic is Mikey and I at the Shamrock the Saturday after my birthday-I look drunk already.

Ginger and I at the wedding. I loved my dress, kinda mad that we didnt get a full pic of it. It was pretty. Mike and I had a great time, and we didnt get a pic of us together on his camera, but Im sure theres one floating around somewhere.

so, my birthday is coming up in a couple of weeks. The 27th of this month. I dont want to turn 25 at all. Can I be like,19 again? And start over. Completely over?
Or just to the begining of last year, and refocus, and maybe start going to The Shamrock before meeting Kyle, that way could have met Mike before that all.
blah.

more...

So, Ive been running into Kyle every weekend. It started on St. Patricks Day;I went to the pub and he was there with some other female. I just wanted to go up to her and say "run, run as fast and as far as you can." So that was on St. Patricks day..(Thats Katie and Mike and I)

Then I went to the blue room on friday with some people i work with, and saw him there.So, my friend went up to him and goes "hi, im stephanie. I work with rachel and Ive heard all about you"

ha, it was funny. he just glared at us all night. didnt say anything to me though. asshole.

so, saturday-i go to cracker barrell with holly for dinner, and then meet up with katie,mikey,ginger and jason at the blue room. Whos there, but Kyle. LoL, and here Iam hanging out with his brothers girlfriend, and when mike arrives Im hanging with mike as well. so, he makes some small talk to me..and is just a general asshole to me.

So, its March 22nd, 2007- another month of 07 is passing by-and Ive done shit.
Im so mad at myself, so mad that I havent dont shit with my life. Depression sucks. Its a big cycle and spiral that happens, I have huge ups and downs, but as long as I dont show other people I feel like thats ok then. If Im constent in front of others than they cant say things, right?

shoulder...

Last Friday I fucked my shoulder up hardcore, I pulled a muscle or pinched a nerve or something, and it still kills. It sucks! I know tonight it going to be busy as well.
Last night we got rocked. I had to split a party of 32 with 3 other servers, that kinda sucked. We only made 25 bucks each on it. Sitty. But the I had a group of 6 guys and they were hysterical! They tipped me 50 on 156, so I was cool with that.
Then I went to the pub and hung out with Nella and Heather for awhile.Well, ok till 3 am. I love those girlies! Theyre way too funny and sweet and yeah, love em.
I dont know if Im gonna go out tonight though, Im so tired. I pretty much just woke up.I was up at like 8-and fell asleep at 12, and just woke up. Im drinking coffee, and then Ill eat and then shower. Then work,hopefully I make money tonight.

my lame thankful list

I've decieded that I need to push myself to write a thankful list. I'm feeling like shit, because Iam letting myself feel like shit. I can change this feeling. Last night I just came home and went to bed, I used that sleep balm I bought at Cracker Barrell, and it works really well. I didnt have any nightmares, and I woke up at 930. Micheal still wasnt back with the truck (thats another reason I slept so well, Im sure.) I switched my laundry over and was like, wow i feel great, i should sleep for another 30 minutes. An hour and a half later, I wake up. Tired and feeling shitty! Damn it! I should have just stayed up at 930. I was gonna meet up with people at the pub last night, but after wednesday i kinda feel like they dont wanna hang out. Whatever. Anyways, on to my thankful list....

As always, my dog. :) I love him lots.
The conversation with my Aunt, although Im sure it wont go anywhere, shes heard me and understands to a certain extent.
Mikey-hes awesome:) and way funny and can make me laugh!
Everyone at the pub, I still love them and am just being me with theself essteem thing again.
Sam, I love her.She is so funny and sweet and drives me around :)
Playing shitty darts, lol. its fun.
The fact that I have a job, although it maybe shitty and I hate it, I still have one.

I know when I write my "thankful" lists I always feel better, but lately I don't know what to write.
Its hard for me to be thankful for manythings right now, and thats probably why I feel like shit. I feel a bit abandoned right now by everyone and everything I thought I could count on.

grrr

I had yesterday off and cooked all day. It was nice. Since I didnt go out Tuesday night, I had gotten good sleep. Sandi and I stayed up till 2am just talking. We hadnt done that in forever. I went up to the pub yesteday and played darts and trivia-it was fun. Then, Heather Nella and I went to breakfast at IHOP. I love eggs benidict, theyre so yummy!!!

I was gonna try and hibernate this whole week, but after Micheal being such a dumb ass yesterday, I needed to go out.I was tired though, and feel asleep while they were smoking ciggerates. lol.So, Heather dropped me off, and I fall fast asleep and then I hear Micheal singing on the top of his lungs in the kitchen, what the hell-so I had to ask him to lower it a notch or two. Grrr, wtf, it was like 5 am or something. BLAH.

Sam, and I went to lunch yesterday. At Dixies, it was soooo good. We had maine lobster, rock shrimp, crab legs, scollops, and shrimp cocktail. Carlie, her daughter was with us and it was adorable. Then Sam had a doctors apointment, and I watched Carlie while she was in. It was fun. Then I came home a cleaned and got ready for cheesy tv and sleep. Which was great. I could have used a bit extra sleep (Micheal woke me up at 4 am...yeah!)
Now, Im going to work. And maybe stopping by the pub to say hi to Holly, we'll see how work goes :)

Loss

I ate lunch at Cracker Barrell with Ian yesterday. I ended up crying because Iam so fed up with all the bullshit going on at the house. Micheals back-yup, you know those two weeks already came and gone. Im just fed up with having to deal with someone whos such a slob. (mind you, Im not the cleanest, but at least I pick up after myself.)I also dont go out somewhere with out offering to pick them up something. Whatever-long story short, Ian didnt laugh at me for saying I need to center myself and go camping-he actually agreed. It was cool. Hes a really sweet guy, and Ill miss him when he leaves.

Im really not going out this week-I came straight home last night and Im just going out to lunch with Sam today, and then I MIGHT go to the pub after work tomorrow and visit Holly. But Im not sure yet. If I do, Ill drink coke adn waters :) Maybe order some food and just throw darts.We'll see.

Last night at work I was so out of it, and I was a horrible server, and I just didnt want to be there.It's been like that for a little bit now. I just need to refocus myself. and figure out what I want, and how to achive it. I need to start meditating.

I love the pub and IHOP at 3 am.

I swear for the next week, Iam not going out. Im going to work, and thats it! Im exhausted, and cranky (I think Im getting my period), and just down right mean. After work (which was kinda busy) I went to the pub-then went to IHOP again this morning. I love eggs benidict after drinking Irish Kisses all night. I threw darts last night, and I figure if I hit the board, Im ok:) I got in at 4 am and went straight to bed, and had some messed up dreams. Im just so cranky! Heather was working and it was kereoke night at the pub-so I called Mikey to see if Kyle were there and he wasnt so I went over. Nella, Jerry and their parents were there. Their mom actually went out of her way to come over and say hi to me. We chatted for a bit, shes nice. Heather invited me to the wedding, and at first I was like "well, I dont want to go to the reception cause I dont want Kyle to say shit and ruin her day." But now, Ive decieded to go. Heather told Mikey no dates, cause she doesnt have the room and she said but you and rachel can go together cause your both included in the head count. And its kinda funny cause I said that to mikey the other night too.

I just dont know what to get them. Im thinking of buying them a subscription to the beer of the month club. They both like micro brews and such. I dont know though.

I need to slow down.

I can't believe the second month of 2007 is almost over. What the hell happened? What have I been doing?Lets see, January started off horribly. With me being sick for almost a month straight, the whole Kyle thing, and the Micheal/Sandi thing. Yeah, January was not so much fun. Then we get to February. Still sick, more Kyle bullshit. More Micheal/Sandi shit, and loosing friends. It hasnt been such a great year.Don't you think I deserve a good week or two? Wouldnt that be nice?

The last week has been fun. (other than the text messaging issues)Last Weds (Valentines Day), I went up to the pub and hung out with Holly, Mike and Ian. Ian drove me home after work. Then Friday Ian picked me up, and we went to the pub to see Heather, Mikey,Nella-Ian and I then went to the lion and then met back up with everyone at IHOP. I love IHOP. They have the best eggs benidict. Then Saturday(I think) I went over to the pub for a little bit. Sunday I just hung out. I bought Ian dinner cause hes supposed to be leaving for the AF soon. Then I went to the pub.(shocker) and talked to Heather and Nella for a bit. Then monday I was back at the pub and hung out and played shitty darts, and then we went to IHOP again, and I bought Mike and Hollys breakfast for driving my ass around. Then I went to the pub on Tuesday and stayed with Holly till 2 and she drove me home.Wednesday, I stayed home-I was so exhausted.(they should either charge me rent, or pay me,) Thursday I was at the pub visiting Holly durring the day, and then left and came back later. Heather, Nella and I ended up going to the bowling alley for a beer at 2am. And then last night, Mikey picked me up from work and we went to the pub for a beer, then went to the Irish Pub and I had french martinis, a kona beer, a blue moon and a lemon drop. OMG, I threw up hard core. Mikey drove me home ,and I didnt want to throw up in his car, so i had to have him pull over three times. damn lemon drops.

Mikey wants to go out tonight, and Im kinda like no-but at the same time I want to go. And not drink. At all. Theres a mardi gras party tonight, were thinking about meeting up with some people over there.

Long, but read the bold-its good stuff.

So, even though Ive already said this enough. I think I need to write down shit.
Starting WAY back in December, Kyle started telling people he didnt think that he and I were going to work out. In Decemeber. Mind you, we had only been together a few weeks at this point. My question is, if he felt this way-why didnt he break it off with me?! And why did he talk to me about moving in together?!? Ugh. Anyways,by this time I had become close to Holly(Kyles brothers G/F), Nella(Kyles sister), Heather(Kyles brothers fiance), and people at the pub. Kyle had even said to me at one point, if we ever break up-you know you still have friends and family at the pub.(Ive recently come to find out that Nella and Heather both told kyle that they really like hanging out with me and if we broke up would it be ok to still hang around me..and kyle said it was fine)...on new years eve he ended up saying whacked shit about me (like someone asked where i was, and he said i dont know, probably in the bathroom flirting with some guy trying to get fucked.) he also told someone he was going to break my heart...and he told me that the whole time we were dating, he had been comparing me to his ex and i had big shoes to fill.
So, I broke up with him. I didnt want to loose the good people I had met and befriended i.e.Holly, Nella, Heather and so on. Ive talked to the people I want to talk to about it, and everyone is fine with it.

So, everything is ok. I hang with Holly and talk for hours at the bar, I hang out with Mikey, I talk to Ian....and all...and then it comes back to me that Kyle is assuming that Mikey and I are dating (oh, btw-when I broke up with Kyle-his first reaction was.."whats his name"...so, he thinks ive been cheating on him...while i haev staph for two weeks. DUMB ASS)...So, anyways,Mikey, Ian and Heather (and a bunch of other people...)go bowling, and Ian Heather and Mikey all invite me to go..Heather had called Kyle first to see if he wanted to go, and he asked if I were going to be there. Heather said if he wasnt going she was going to invite me. He said no. So reitterated the fact she was going to call me and Invite me... so, I end up going and who shows up? Kyle. He calls me over and says "youve won. you cna have them." im like, won what, have who? and hes nods towards everyone bowling and says them. you can have them theyre yours, congrats.

I walked away from him and bowled my only strike of the night.

I text him later and say-Im sorry. I never meant for it to be this way. and in response this is what I got "Iam quite certain of the contrary.You feel no remorse. Dark tidings to you and yours,Im confident you will destroy yourself.In all honesty I should. Thank you for the reminder. So you and Ian huh? Interesting." (Ian is a good friend, whos been driving my carless ass around.So, first I cheated on him, then I hooked up with Mikey and now Ian.)

To which I responded, No not Ian and I. First it was Mikey now Ian. You need help Kyle. Seriously.
and here come the best texts of them all. Read carefully.
"Indeed everything was fine until you started pursuing my friends and family. Lets see do I hang out with Rachels friends?No! You know why? A. its out of courtesy.B. I cant because you have villianized me wth half the twon. My friends and Family WERE my outlet. Thank you. I dont need help. Choke and die you manipulative pathetic genetic mistake. I will be avoiding you like the degenerate plague you are.